Grudge Match
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Elves and Dwarves never get along, and today is no exception. Can these two put aside their differences before something really bad ends up happening?


"But how hard can it be, truly?" grumbled Gimli as he raised his axe and dropped it down, shattering another can of Diet Pepsi.

Legolas smirked his elf smirk and poked Gimli's rear end with an arrow. "That's a fat booty, shortman!" he said rudely.

Gimli took a look at his own bottom and saw the arrow. He was dumbfounded by how deep it had pierced his butt armor. "By Odin's beard! You may have just scathed the cheek!"

Legolas laughed and nocked another arrow. He pulled back the bowstring and another arrow whizzed right past the dwarf's head, startling him.

"DON'T DO THAT!" growled Gimli. He started blowing a balloon so that he had enough fun animals for Aragorn's birthday party.

"Whoopsies!" Legolas snidely remarked once again. "I'm afraid I didn't see you there!"

"You are a mean and classless elf! I hope you lose all your charisma on the next season of Lost!"

Legolas frowned at this and pulled out another arrow. He pointed it at Gimli's fat, bulbous dwarf nose. "If you ever say that to me again… I won't miss."

Gimli gulped and felt little Gimlis in the backity-back. "I swear it!"

Aragorn drove up to his two warring brohans in his sleek convertible. He hopped over the door without opening it and pulled out his sick double-necked keytar. "'Sup, my happenin' dudes?" he said in his attractive tone.

Legolas studied Aragorn and totally loved the rockin' graphic tee he was sporting. Aragorn was wearing an Arakorn shirt for his favourite band.

Gimli humphed in disapproval. "Everyone knows that the best band is the California Thorins!"

"That is clearly subjective, little man," said Legolas like a true jerk.

Aragorn walked up to Gimli and kicked him in the butt armor. He then screamed at the top of his lungs because all of his toes broke.

Elrond strutted over with his magnificent good looks and smirked at Legolas. Legolas smirked back. Elrond smirked at Aragorn. Aragorn screamed again because his toes were positively killing him. Elrond looked down at Gimli and visibly disliked everything about him. Gimli got offended by this.

"I'm so hot," said Elrond as his T-zone grew larger and larger with each passing second.

Aragorn screamed once more and ran up to the half-elf with a bottle of concealer. He mixed the concealer in orange soda and then tossed the whole thing onto Elrond's face. Elrond transformed into a guinea pig and ran off.

Frodo came out of the bushes just in time to marvel at the sight. "You turned him into a guinea pig!" he laughed.

Sam entered the scene via hang glider and laughed alongside Frodo. Frodo stopped laughing and gave Sam a severely dirty look. Sam smiled at him to lighten the mood. Frodo socked Sam in the face.

"Whattap, homes?" announced Gandalf as he appeared in front of the crowd with his magic teleportation abilities.

"Great, now this is a party!" said Aragorn as he slammed on his headphones and jammed out to Arakorn.

Gimli sure was glad Gandalf appeared because Gandalf had the foxy charisma.

"Gimli," said Legolas.

"What?" said Gimli already annoyed.

"I'm sorry."

"By Odin's ears! Well, I'm surprised. I forgive you."

"No, I'm just sorry you're so short!" Legolas slapped his knee and then beatboxed to his own funky rhythm.

"That was unexpected," said Gandalf as he tased Sam for crying about pudding. Frodo smiled when he saw this.

Aragorn finally stopped jamming and pulled a shiny toothbrush out of his pocket. "Guys, am I right?"

Elrond took the toothbrush and made it disappear with elven magic. "It's in the Ender Chest."

"Yo, you play Minecraft, homie?" said Gandlf surprised.

"Straight up."

"My guy!"

"I wish my hair wasn't so gorgeous…" said Legolas. "It's so hard being oh-so beautiful!"

"By Odin's toes!" shouted Gimli. "I do believe you exaggerate!"

"Hey Gimli, what's a hensight?"

"A what?"

"A hensight."

"I don't know. What's a hensight?"

"Taller than you!" Legolas laughed like a maniac and then smacked Gimli in the face with a cold wet fish.

"Gregory…" sighed Frodo. He looked down at the fish. "His name was Gregory…"

"That's really neat, Mr. Frodo!" complimented Sam's dumb Gamgee face. Frodo filled Gandalf's lucky sock with iron ingots and swatted the idiot with it.

Gandalf laughed and took off his shoes, showing everyone how cool his wizard toes were. "HP ain't got nothin' on these bad boys!"

"No kiddin'," remarked Elrond.

Gandalf did a smirky at Elrond and then stuck his toes in the tuna fish salad. "It's time to save Christmas!"

"AY BIGGABOY!" cried Aragorn. He ran up to Gandalf and gave him one more last fist bump. The crowd in front of them cheered and Gandalf won a free Starbucks gift card.

"I love it when we all get along," said Gimli happily as a tear of joy trickled down his face, disappearing into his thick orange beard (it was still covered in Cheetos from last night).

"I love how short you are. It reminds how low you dwarves are compared to the brilliance that is elves," said Legolas. Gimli looked up at Legolas with a grouchy expression. Legolas tilted his head slightly and cocked an eyebrow. He was feeling like a real G today and he was not going to let anyone forget it.


End file.
